Those words are so full of pain and panic. My husband has an anxiety disorder. Everyone sees him as the anxiety guy. So he never gets full attention at the hospital. Although I can't blame the hospital for not taking him seriously, because he has been to the hospital about 30 times in the last year and that's obviously excessive. Right now though he is really hurting and he says he can't breathe. He is so afraid he is going to die or something really bad is going to happen. He's been sobbing and holding our kids like he is saying goodbye. He looks at me like he wants me to help. I can't help him. I don't know what to do.
So here is is again at the hospital. Sobbing and can barely breathe. He probably wont get full attention. It's just like the boy who cried wolf. But instead of faking it in the beginning his brain made him seriously think something was wrong. He is just sobbing. I can't make him better. I can't make the obsessive thoughts go away. I wish I could take all this pain and sadness away. I miss my husband. I miss being able to go places without anxiety getting in the way. I miss cuddles without him pulling away because anxiety.
I miss my kids. They are getting neglected as far as time with us. They need their mom and dad. Right now all they get is mommy because daddy doesn't feel good. The weird thing is that they don't ask questions. Its like they just know. That makes me sad. They shouldn't be so complacent. They know too much for being so little. I miss spending time with them. Sitting with Zack at the hospital really cuts into my time with them and they are all over me because they miss me.
We need help. We need an answer. I need my family to understand his condition and not judge him for it. They think he just wants attention. When he repeatedly says "Please please...I just want to be normal!" and it breaks my heart. He doesn't want attention. He wants to feel content. He wants his mind and body to stop this obsessive compulsive disorder. He wants to be happy. He wants to be himself again.
I just want my husband back.