Frustration

I am getting so sick of myself. I know when I act like a child, when I don't get my way or something I want, I pout. What the hell. Yes I have Borderline Personality Disorder which makes me act like a brat. I can't help it. I can see what I'm doing. I know exactly what I am doing. That's what makes it so frustrating. I hope now that they are changing all my meds that something will change in me. I am hopefully about to have a job soon.Then I can get what I want on my own terms and on my own time. Nobody to beg or annoy rather. Just me.I hate money. The fact that I can't get Social Security pisses me off. I am in no shape to be working but I don't have a choice. Zack can't do it on his own anymore. He's struggling to keep me happy and keep us afloat with our bills.

I don't know what to do. This entire entry was started because we can't afford to get my nails done. How in the heck is that even rational? But people with ADHD and Borderline Personality tend to act how I am acting right now. I won't know if I got hired until Monday but I might be getting a job at Luby's and only work 2 days a week. I hope that 2 days a week isn't too much but I am told that the fry cook job could be very tiring and hard. I hope if I get it I won't mess it up like all my other jobs that I've had.

I am so sick of always being a mooch or brat. But I want to get my nails done tonight.....Pathetic!!